When I used to tell people that I was a teacher, so many would respond with such things like, "oh you must have the patience of a saint!" Blech! That is untrue. In fact, I am not patient, I am mostly very impatient, I just have a very rigid set of rules that I expect followed and when they don't get followed I'm patient enough to follow through and do what I have to do. That's pretty much how I run my life. That being said, I'm going to take a few moments to vent because I am truly and literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
As I mentioned a few posts ago, Sophia is in a non-sleeping stage. I'm not really sure what kind of stage this is, ie: teething, exploring, testing limits, not feeling well, etc. I tend to think it's more of the testing variety, but I can't be sure. For a solid week now she has been refusing to take naps and/or go to bed at night. During the very first week of her big bed she did this a little bit and we simply placed her back in bed and all was well. So, when I tried that tactic again last week...well, let's just say I stopped counting when we hit back-to-bed 45 times in an hour. This tactic, although tiring and stressful, sort of worked for a few days. Then it just became a game, so I figured I ought to mix up my strategy. But, no matter what I try one night it doesn't seem to work the next. By the time she goes to bed at night, I am really and truly ready for her to be in bed. It is my one real break of the day and I need it. When she resists the bed my stress-level instantly triples and I become a crazy person. It takes all my strength to keep it together to deal with her and once she finally is asleep I become a complete nightmare (so sorry, Babe!). I burst into tears, don't want to to talk to anyone, become even grouchier and just want to lie in bed. I know that some of this is hormonal, but some of it is that I am completely terrified that this will never go away and we're going to go all the way to Baby Day with a non-sleeping Sophia. I fear that she'll never be able to spend the night away from home again...speaking of which, props to Anne who kept her one night over the weekend and didn't complain about her entire night of lack of sleep! But, even though I had a few hours of peace I paid for it three-fold the next day. With the baby due so soon (7.5 weeks for those who are counting! Gulp!) my anxiety is already aroused and I just don't know what to do. I walk through my days tired from the night before and fearful of the night to come.
Charlie is trying his best to be supportive and do what he can, but Sophia wants nothing to do with him at bed time, as long as I'm here. It's all me all the time and I am not sure I can deal with that. Is that wrong? Do I sound like a totally bitchy mother who doesn't even want to be around her child, because sometimes that's how I feel?! On the other side I sometimes blame myself for having such a clingy child, doesn't that sound crazy!? I even think I sound whacked when I say things like "maybe I spend too much time with her"...is that possible for a mother to do?! But when she gets so hell-bent on spending every waking, and apparently non-waking moment with me I enter Tori Meltdown Stage!
I am not sure what the days and weeks ahead will bring us in this area, but I hope and pray that things ease up and she reverts back to my calm, lovely child who looks forward to going to bed. Any advice or stories of similar issues with your child will be welcomed, because as I said, I am teetering on the edge here!
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5 comments:
No kids of my own to give advice from - but I truly feel for you and I can guarantee you're not a bad person/mom for feeling this way. Everybody needs a time out from responsibilities and parenting is an awesome responsibility! Hang in there!
AMEN, Sister! I thought I was the only one who thought I was spending too much time with my child. I actually commented to Chris just last night that "I might pay too much attention to him". Sounds ridiculous, but that's what it feels like. Isaac is ridiculously clingy too and whiny if I even leave the room. I am currently in the process of looking for a parents day out program which I am hoping will give us both a much needed break from each other. And as far as the sleeping, all I can say is that she's just preparing you for the baby to come. As if that would make you feel any better...
I have to laugh at parents who say their child *always* does something or another or *never* has problems with such and such. The only thing that I have learned is if you just wait long enough, ALL experiences with come your way. Then once you figure out what is currently going on with your child, it changes, and your facing a new perplexing issue. The only comfort in this is that this too WILL pass. Do what you need to do to get through the day, and don't feel bad about it! Guilt will not enhance your mommy skills - it will only make you feel worse. Ice cream, on the other hand, makes everyone feel better! :)
Seems to me that Miss Sophia is just flexing her independence as she nears her 2nd birthday. You will be fine and she will pass this phase, maybe not as soon as you hope, but it will happen.
:0) Cathy
Hey.....you could be me. We just brought home our little guy last night. It ended up everyone wanted to sleep in the room with the baby. The kids insisted they sleep on the floor, baby in his cradle, Mom, Dad and 3 dogs in bed. The two kids eventually ended up in bed and I wa sin the rocker.
Don't stress. I don't know any 20 year olds that get up and walk to their parents beds in the middle of the night...so chances are it will all take care of itself in time.
Take care!
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