Plan C

Okay, so Plan B lasted about 36 hours. It was awful. I felt really positive about it, for about an hour that is. Things went so smoothly at the office and I was feeling good, but when putting the plan into reality, it just didn't work. Sophia was very hungry and frustrated all day. When I tried to skip the supplement after one feeding, she would have none of it. She couldn't last. When I tried to get her to latch, she worked so hard that by the time she did, she was asleep. Obviously she wasn't going to eat much in that state! My tears started rolling again and I felt like I was back at square 1.

I realize that I gave up on Plan B very quickly and had I stuck it out it may have worked. I also realize that considering I had stuck to the idea of breastfeeding so aggressively, it's also odd that I just abandoned the idea of Plan B. But, about midnight I hit the wall. I was exhausted, she was exhausted and I felt hopeless. I decided to try pumping and feeding her with the bottle all night.

This was Plan C. It was on an experimental basis at first. It worked pretty well most of the night. I alternated giving her only the bottle for 2 feedings and offering the breast and bottle for two feedings. She sort of latched on but I think really just wanted to be fed. I realized that was my number one priority...feeding the baby.

I decided that I felt less stressed using Plan C and that I should just go with it. So I continued pumping and "breastfeeding" through the bottle. I feel really good that she's getting all my milk, as that's the main reason I wanted to breastfeed anyway, to use my milk instead of formula. I have had to use a little formula along the way b/c of shortages and wasting, but I'm okay with it.

I'm still stuck between feeling okay with the plan and feeling guilty about giving up on nursing. I'm working towards okay, though, and that's the important thing. I'm somewhat worried about my milk supply staying up but I'm diligently pumping and trying to create at least a little bit of a supply in the fridge/freezer.

Sophia goes in for her ultrasound on Tuesday and I go in for my 6 week OB check-up...a busy day! I'll try and post pics soon because she continues to be adorable and changing all the time!

Well Whadya Know

I had my much anticipated appointment with the lactation nurse today. I was very excited and a little nervous because I'm ready for a plan. For five weeks now I've felt that I've been drifting along taking advice with no end in sight for my ridiculous feeding ritual. The nurse I worked with has been a lactation nurse for a long time and has lead a breastfeeding support group for 12 years. She has a ton of experience, and being part of the support group has "heard it all". So I was confident that she would be able to help me.

After giving her a brief history of my time with Sophia we got to work. We weighed Sophia before we started and we would weigh her again when she finished feeding to see how much she transferred. Then she watched me nurse. Sophia had a good latch with the nipple shield and was really sucking away. So at the end of 15 minutes she had only transferred 14cc (about 1/2 oz). This is about what I had expected and an obvious source of my frustration. She started asking me questions about the nipple shield and if I'd tried to go without it, etc. I explained that I have tried but I can't get the baby to latch on , etc. She was quite adamant that we try without the shield and she would help me get Sophia to latch. So, here's where your math skills come in handy....after latching without the nipple shield and nursing for only five minutes, Sophia transferred 22cc. Well, whadya know.

I'm sure there are many a lactation nazi nodding their heads in affirmation at this point, but I must say I was shocked. And a little irritated. Why did I have to pay someone $75 to figure this out when I've seen a whole gaggle of lactation nurses for free and explained my situation over and over again! Plus, for everyone else I know the nipple shield has worked wonders, so who would have thought it was impeding our progress???

So now we're on Plan B, that is at least until Tuesday when we see if our plan succeeded or failed. Per her instructions, we are cutting down on the amount of supplement per feeding, plus I'm eliminating one supplement per day. I am nursing her for 5 minutes with the shield to get her started then taking it away and nursing for ten more minutes. I'm supposed to do this on each side every time. The hard part is getting her to latch. It was so much easier in the warm, cozy office of the lactation nurse, especially when she was helping! I've tried twice so far today and I've experienced both success and not success. I don't want to say failure yet, as I'm on board for another go at this whole breast feeding thing.

I know that many out there keep encouraging me to give up and go to formula, and really I can't tell you why I haven't. But, many of you also know that once I decide on something it's awfully hard to talk me out of it! I do believe that breastmilk is what's best for my baby and I enjoy the closeness that it brings (when I'm not crying out of frustration that is!) us. Plus, I have a bias against formula because I think it smells funny and it makes my stomach turn. Sorry.

I weigh Sophia again on Tuesday. If she has gained at least 5 oz, we continue with the plan. If she hasn't...well, I don't know what we'll do!

One Month (and one day) Old!

Enough pictures, please, Mom!!!

Our little pumpkin is one month old! She's grown so much and so have we! We still remark every day about how beautiful and precious she is and how great it is to be parents. Even through all the late nights, the fussiness we can't decode and the many, many dirty diapers we are lucky to have her!

She went for her one month check-up today and weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 2oz! Woo hoo! She also grew about an inch is is now 22 and a quarter inches long. The nurses said she looked healthy and was doing great. We scheduled her hip ultrasound for the end of the month. This is routine for breech babies, but they say not to worry b/c her hips look good and don't display any signs of a problem. We do have to go to the children's hopsital to have that done, however, which is a surprise. At least I'll visit there the first time for a routine experience and hopefully never have to go back!

I continue to get opposite end of the spectrum advice on breastfeeding from every doctor and/or nurse I see. I did make an appointment for a one-on-one consultation with a lactation nurse from a local hospital next week. I'm looking forward to this for the sheer fact that I'm ready for a plan! I can be flexible on what exactly that plan entails, but I'm ready for something b/c I'm going crazy here!

Our First Big Outing

Happy Birthday, Cody!

Great minds think alike! Shelby and I showed up in twin shirts...and we didn't even call each other first!

This is Sophia's opinion of Japanese food!

Wednesday was Cody's 19th birthday. First of all, wow. I can't believe he's already 19!!! So, in honor of his birth Stacy and Pam planned a fun night out at a Japanese Steakhouse. Well, we couldn't miss his big day or terriyaki chicken so we loaded up and prepared Sophia for her first big outing.



I was a little nervous, as you may imagine. I was afraid about what it would look like if she got hungry or fussy, or if she would cry so loud it would bother other patrons, etc. Plus, I still don't really know how I'm going to deal with the whole breastfeeding in public thing. I had fed her before we left and we even pushed down a little bit more milk as a "snack" to tide her over for longer. But, to my amazement she was a total star! Besides catching a shrimp in her mouth, she slept the entire time and didn't make a peep!



Charlie thinks this maybe a sign of things to come....an angel in public and trouble at home!

No Baby Cousin!

Aunt Chris with Sophia

Blackmail at its best!

Okay, so I'm a little behind because these pics are from last Sunday, but I'm workin' on it! Our niece, Julie, who is two was asked by her parents if she wanted to visit her new baby cousin, Sophia. She was quite sure she absolutely did not and was sure to exclaim, so there was no confusion on the matter, "No Baby Cousin!" Now, was this no, as in no I do not want to visit, or was it a no that meant she hoped that baby cousin would actually cease to exist?? I'm still not sure. But what I am sure about is that Julie wants nothing to do with Sophia.



During their visit, Julie was happy to socialize, play and talk to everyone else. Amazingly she didn't even really get upset when her mom held Baby Cousin, but each time she looked at her or someone made reference to Sophia, Julie would scowl. It was priceless, really. She all out refused to touch her, look at her, and holding her was completely out of the question. So, like any loving adult, we waited until Julie was asleep and set her up for some blackmail pics! They are too funny!



Chris and Oli are trying to prepare Julie to become a big sister in March...! I'm sure she will take much more kindly to her little sibling than she has to Baby Cousin, but we'll let them use Sophia for practice any day! Good luck, Guys!

Mastitis...Boooo!

Okay, so to add insult to injury my child has given my boob an infection! As if we didn't have enough trouble breastfeeding, we have this to add to the mix! Sheesh. Yesterday I awoke to a very painful sensation in my left breast. It hurt...not sore, but pain, in addition to the fever, aches and pains and all around yucky feeling. After a trip to the doctor, I started my antibiotics but I am still going through waves of feeling okay and feeling like complete dirt with a fever that comes and goes as it pleases.

Sophia (like all babies) carries a staph bacteria in her stomach that can pass through sores into my blood stream. When this happens an infection occurs. So I am still able to nurse and pump because she's the one who gave it to me, but it's just a little more painful. I did hear about a doctor out of Canada today who is some guru about breastfeeding and apparently he has the recipe for a cream that will cure my sores so this hopefully won't happen again. We take her to the doctor on Friday so I'll ask them to write me a Rx for it.

And finally, for those of you keeping track...I now smell like maple syrup. It's a good thing she's so cute, otherwise I might have given up by now! Charlie however if fascinated my by mapley scent and wishes to market Fenugreek as an herbal deodorant that's safe for the environment, we'll let you know where you can all buy it!

Brave!

sleepin' like a baby

Okay, so I really was brave last night as I left my child in her room, in her crib all night long! Whew...it took a lot for me, but she's alive and ready to tell about it this morning! I know that Charlie has really been wanting this day for a lot longer than I...truly who can blame him. He does have to get up and go to work in the morning, but it's not like he doesn't sleep through 90% of our evening routines!!



We hooked up the baby monitor for the first time and put it to use. So now I had a new obsession...instead of just lying near her listening to the sounds and wondering if she's choking...now I got to do it in stereo! I think I was so tired that I managed to not freak-out too much and fell asleep after only a few minutes of intent listening to my end of the walkie talkie.



Sophia is also moving into sleeping for 4 hours at a time...this is the best news of all. It is helpful to me after our long feeding routine to be able to get between 2-3 hours of sleep now instead of my usual 1-2. I do hope this pattern continues. Although she is still in her cluster-feeding act at night, this too shall pass (hopefully!) Last night she wanted to feed every hour from 8 pm to 1 am. So I finally got to bed about 2. Yipee. But this is where that four hour thing comes in real handy!

PS...oh, and for those of you clucking your tongues at the above pictures, I did move her to her back once again...but she likes to wiggle and roll!

Don't Call Me Mrs. Butterworth...

I'm just too tired to play, Mom!

Okay, well so after the Reglan disaster I switched over to the herbal stuff. So, now I'm taking Fenugreek to increase my milk supply. I would say that I feel like my supply is slowly increasing, although it seems inconsistent, but I don't seem to be experiencing the side effects. The only real side effect of this herb, you see, is to have your milk and sweat smell like maple syrup. This made my slightly nervous (anything was better than the side effects of the Reglan, but still...) because being a teacher I had that one kid every year that smelled like syrup. Hmmm, I did NOT want to be that kid. That kid that is always sticky, kinda chubby, and without a doubt smells syrupy at least 3-5 times per week. That on top of everything else...what's a girl to do!



Anyway, I heard about this phenomenon from a few people, websites, and nurses, but it hasn't happened to me?! A friend of mine who also took this supplement said it never happened to her either, but heard from everyone else who took it that it in fact did happen to them. Could it be that the two of us managed to be the only two not affected by this strange effect?



I am starting to feel more like myself this week too. I can now sit up on my own without having to push off of the furniture, big improvement! I was nervous that perhaps my abs were that shot that I wouldn't be able to do that for awhile. They're still in pretty bad shape, don't get me wrong, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm approved to start back into exercise next week. I am excited to get back to yoga and possibly the gym. I'm not sure how exactly I'll work out my working out, but I'm hopeful we'll think of something. I may be able to recruit mom to watch Sophia during the day while I run to the gym for a quick work out. Plus, I'd like to get back to hashing now that the little one is getting a bit bigger. I think she would love cruisin' around in her stroller through all the scenic trails!



Breastfeeding is still a struggle. Today is not a good day for me to talk about it, so I'm avoiding the subject mostly. I think I'm going to start visiting a different support group next week. This new one sounds like it offers a bit more of what I want and need.

Back in Business!

Well, to our great relief, Sophia has reached her birth weight once again...Hooray! She weighed in at 7lbs 11.6 oz on Thursday afternoon, so by now we should be up even more.

My goals for this weekend are to actually leave the house, big goals, I know. Charlie has put his foot down and ordered me out of the house on Sunday afternoon. So, Wendy is to the rescue. I'm not sure what we'll do in our 2 hour time block, but it will be something outside the confines of my home. I have also recruited mom into going for some ice cream this afternoon. She never refuses a good cone and Ben and Jerry's always does the trick! I'm dreaming of my flavors now!

So, I did try one of the prescription drugs for milk, Reglan, and let me weigh in on it...DON'T DO IT! I'm not one for taking drugs anyway, it's always been a struggle. (Dear God I hope my child doesn't do to me what I did to my mother in this area!!) It made me completely loopy and weird. Or should I say weirder than normal. I was a complete wreck yesterday and after we finally figured out that was the problem I of course stopped taking them but had to wait for them to leave my system. So I think I'll try the herbal stuff, there's supposed to be fewer side-effects. Let's hope so! I did notice a nice increase in my supply, so that is the downside of going back off of them! Oh well, I'd rather be in control of my body!

We're off to ice cream, but I'll try and update again soon!

A Big Thank You!

We are so lucky to be surrounded by so many nice, caring, and generous people! I wanted to take the opportunity to thank Charlie's team of pharmacists and his other supervisor counterparts for the wonderful gifts they provided for Baby Sophia!

Charlie started back to work yesterday after 2 glorious weeks off that he spent with Baby and me. He of course arrived to almost 800 emails and the daily grind once again! I know he was watching the clock all day, missing his little girl! But, to both of our surprise, he was bombarded with more well-wishes and gifts today.

We received a very generous Target gift card that will come in sooo handy! First off, Target is way to close to my house and I spend too much time there as it is, so this is perfect! Also, in just 2 short weeks I've already discovered baby things that we need that I didn't think about before Sophia was here, so I'm excited to be getting those!

Rhonda, Kerry, and Alex also furnished Sophia with some pretty adorable outfits! Since we didn't know what kind of a baby she was, we mostly have yellow and green. AND...since she basically has no hair, strangers have a hard time telling that she's a girl. So, pink and purple girly clothing was much appreciated!

Thanks again to all those who contributed. I'm happy knowing that Charlie has such a positive work environment surrounded by nice people to be at when he can't be here with us! We appreciate all you've done!

Love,
Tori, Charlie, and Sophia

2 weeks and counting!

Big Brother is watching!

Although, joyful, the past two weeks have been a blur! I sort of rotate blindly between my bed and the rocking chair all the while hearing the whir-pump of that blasted breast pump in the background! I still look at Sophia, however, and continue to be amazed at the sheer miracle of her existence. I am truly in awe of how beautiful and perfect she is, and how quite frighteningly, she is a product of me...



The good news is she gained weight...she is now 7lbs 6oz. They would have liked for her to gain back all her weight and be at birth weight again by two weeks, but she's pretty close. I am confident that she'll be back at her birth weight by the end of this week. We still struggle at waking her up for feeding and she is still struggling with transferring the milk, but I THINK it's getting better. I am reminded too much of myself when I see her groggily resisting wake up, putting sleep at the top of her list before everything else. She'll sleep in poopy diapers, she'll sleep hungry...she doesn't care, she just wants to sleep! Even Charlie has commented on how our sleeping patterns and mood upon wake up are strikingly similar! Yikes!



My milk supply is staying consistent, but not increasing. Soooo, I'm considering some of the pills to increase my supply. If any of you experienced moms out there have an opinion to offer up on any of the following drugs please let me know! My choices are fenugreek (herbal), Reglan, and Domperidone (both Rx).