Ups and Downs

Well, just when I thought we were getting the hang of this breastfeeding nonsense, the rug was pulled out from under me. The hospital where I delivered has a breastfeeding support group on Thursdays. So Sophia and I went to get some support. They also have a scale available to weigh your baby. I was a little nervous but stripped her down and put her on the scale anyway. Well, she hadn't gained anything all week. Great...here I was feeling good, now I'm back down to feeling like the worst mother in the world again. It seems Sophia is not transferring the milk into her mouth. They say she probably isn't sucking hard enough and therefore not taking much in even though she looks like she is. They also say there really isn't a way to fix it except keep working. Wait, I thought that's what I've been doing?? GRRRR!

So, per lactation nazi orders, I have to go back to supplementing. Now I have to nurse for 15 mins, give supplement, then pump to both keep up my milk supply and create a supply a milk for more supplementing. This makes for a loooooong day, especially at 3 in the morning. She is supposed to be getting about 1-2 oz of supplement after each feeding...uh, that's a lot. We may have to use formula if we run out of pumped milk, but I would really rather use my milk.

We are now currently under the barrage of everyone telling us to use a bottle instead of the finger feeding or cup method. Now, don't get me wrong, both those methods are fairly horrible. They take forever, are very messy and usually involve Sophia sucking down more air than necessary or comfortable. BUT...I'm still worried about the whole artificial nipple thing. Now don't feel you all have to write in and tell me how wrong the theory of nipple confusion is. I've heard it, I get it. No one thinks it exists but me and some other doctors and nurses who seem credible. I am considering going to the bottle out of sheer convenience for myself. With Charlie going back to work on Monday, I'll really be on my own in the middle of the night. I'm just confused and a little discouraged.

But...it's okay. I'm committed to breastfeeding even through the tough times. I really do believe it is what is best for my baby. I am confident that it will get better and she will catch on. Sometimes however, I have to remind myself of this fact! And...even though I called her a nazi before, I do appreciate the help of the one lactation nurse I've decided to listen to. I've found all of them have a different opinion about everything, and even in 10 short days I've talked to a lot of them, so I'm picking one and sticking to her! She has been very nice and helpful and, incidentally, the only one who never made me feel bad about that controversial nipple shield!

One Week Birthday

with cousins Nick and Molly

Great Grandma B--Sophia is her 12th great-grandchild and she has the 13th due in March!

One week old...WOW!! Okay, okay, so it was actually yesterday, but I'm still trying to work things out over here! A lot can happen in a week, huh? Sophia and I are still adjusting and trying to get on somewhat of a schedule. She lost 11% of her birth weight before leaving the hospital so the docs/nurses are really following up to make sure she's eating and gaining weight.



Breastfeeding is going, well it's going. We have our good moments and our not so good. It's definitely better than it was, but it can sometimes be a struggle. We are using a nipple shield (thanks Kathleen) b/c it is the only thing that allows her latch on, but the lactation nurses hate it! They make me feel guilty for using it all the time, but it's just too bad! It's that or nothing right now.



She grew from 19" to 21.5" yesterday! Yowser! It could be that she actually grew or it could be that she's finally stretched out from being so cramped up in the womb! Who knows, but she continues to have long arms and long legs! So far it looks like she'll be a tall little girl!



We continue to have the support of all our family who visits daily. Grandma Sue took this whole week off and has been able to spend some quality time with Sophia and us, but mostly she cares about the baby! :)

More Fun Pics!

My breech baby trying to reunite her feet with her ears!

Love from Grandma Sue


Cousin Shelby on cloud 9

The Homecoming

Welcome home, Sophia!

Chillin' with Auntie Jill

Sophia snuggled up with Bama

Charlie and I were ready to get out of the hospital. He was mostly ready because we was tired of sleeping on an old, saggy Hide-a-bed, but nonetheless, he was ready! :)

I was a bit nervous to be "on my own" with Baby outside the confines of the hospital, but I was anxious to get Sophia to her home and settle in. And as I learned quickly, we are NOT on our own. We got Walter home and he is doing GREAT! He is sill so tired our from Day Care that he doesn't much care what goes on around him, which is soooo nice, but he is slowly checking-out his new sister. He was a little upset by all the ruckus that happened in the middle of the night, but was really a trooper and stuck my side all night.

This weekend's meals are being catered by none other than Bama Irene and she started us off well with a great dinner last night! Luckily she and Jill were here to help us out all evening with cooking, cleaning, and baby holding. (oh and by the way, the cleaning service did a great job and so far everything looks accounted for!)

Sophia continues to prove that she is a night owl, as she sleeps all day and plays all night. We are still trying to get the hang of breast feeding, but it is a challenge. My milk has yet to come in and we're hoping that it arrives soon as this may help the situation along. Right now we have to supplement with formula b/c she lost 11% of her birth weight. Also, she is a high-risk baby for jaundice because her blood type is different than mine. Charlie is AB+, I'm O+ and Sophia is A+. This is a kind of flukey thing, but it happens. Because it did, however, she had to be monitored and tested more frequently and we HAD to make sure she ate so she didn't become jaundice. She looks good and her test levels continued to come back normal. I must say, I'm not surprised by this, not only has she already proven to be stubborn, but she'll always be A "plus" in our book!

Our first night was long but good. We had lots of late night talks over feeding and diaper changing. She was alert and attentive as Mommy talked to her all about her life to come! I know it will only get easier, but I'm already ready for the part where I get more sleep and she nurses easily! Even through the hard times though, I know I will always be thankful for such a beautiful and wonderful baby girl.

Sophia Anastas Hirner

Our first family photo.

Dr. Finkelston did a fabulous job! (and look at that pout)

Holding my baby for the first time

Wait, what?? A girl?? Wow. I must admit, I was shocked. I tried to tell myself not to think it was a boy b/c if a girl came out I wouldn't know what to do, but alas that technique didn't work. I totally thought it was going to be a boy, along with most everyone else. I was shocked, but thrilled when I heard the news.

As I said, Doc didn't really fill me in on what he was doing and where he was at during surgery, thank God, so I had no idea he had even gotten to the baby. In a soft voice, as if he wasn't even talking to me, he just mentioned, Oh it's a girl. Charlie sprang up and followed Baby as I tried to crane my neck just to see anything that was happening. I burst into tears as I saw them carry my precious baby girl over to the warmer and start taking care of her. The first thing I noticed, even from afar, was her lower lip. Oh dear, I thought, she has my pout! She was so little and perfect all I wanted to do was see her. I couldn't wait until they were done so that Charlie could bring her to me!

Charlie was a natural! He opened his arms and his daughter nestled right in. He looked like a baby holding pro! We sat together and talked, cooed, oohed, and aaahed at this perfect creation we had made. Meanwhile the doc was trying to sew me back together and all the nurses were gathered 'round asking about her name.

Sophia is a family name on my side of the fam. One of my grandfather's sisters was named Sophia as well as a few other people down the line. She is still alive and living in Greece and we haven't notified her as of yet, but hopefully we can send her a picture. Anastas is my grandmother's maiden name. She was one of the most important people in my life and showered me with so much love and support that I have always dreamed of naming a baby girl after her. I know she was there with us on that very special day.

The family was waiting anxiously for news in the waiting room...and by anxious I mean they were restless, ruthless, and down-right impatient! We were trying to get sewn up, breastfeed, and figure things out and hadn't had a chance to get out to appease the masses. I do apologize actually, I didn't really mean to make them wait that long, but time got away from us! The poor doctor...they practically accosted him as he went to leave the maternity ward, but he kept our secret until Dad could break the news!

After that it was a full on party in our room for the next 3 days! We had tons of visitors and well-wishers, phone calls and fun. It was really special to me to have so much support from all our friends and family. That's what life is about...surrounding yourself with people who will love you and support you and be there to have fun. Everyone had a great time and the family has been such a support already.

Getting Ready!

Charlie is MIA...don't worry Walter will drive!

Off we go!

Anxious Papa waiting to come in!

Any minute until Baby...

Well, Charlie tried to keep me occupied the night before, and again we had lots of encouraging phone calls! We did go out to celebrate our friend Neil's birthday so that helped me relax a lot! He was disappointed that Baby was to be born the day AFTER his day, but he did manage to get a baby cousin born on Monday, so we were off the hook!

When we awoke Tuesday, I much earlier than Charlie, we were ready. I was still nervous, but I was ready to get the show on the road! We took a few last pictures of the baby belly, checked the nursery, and talked to Walter one last time about his new sister or brother.

We dropped Walt off for a few days of Doggie Day Care fun and were off to the hospital. With mom in tow, the three of us were getting excited!

Upon check-in we were whisked away immediately to our room and I was stripped down and hooked up! It all began happening so fast! Charlie could not accompany me into the operating room until I was all prepped and ready. My nurses were AMAZING! Thank goodness, because of course by this point the nervous tears and incessant teeth chattering had begun! The spinal went off without a hitch and they finally let Charlie in! This meant only minutes until Baby!

It was actually kind of creepy to know that you're being cut into and can't feel a thing...thank goodness for the big, blue sheet. My doctor, knowing me all too well, didn't even tell me when they got started, he just dug in! It didn't take too long to get Baby out and there was minor discomfort from the pushing and pulling sensations. Everyone in the operating room (except Doc of course) was on pins and needles waiting to find out what kind of baby we would have. Many of the nurses even commented on how fun this was b/c they always know what's coming, so it was a treat for everyone!

The Final Hours

Walter is ready for Baby!

We've managed to keep ourselves busy all day long, but we are now down to the final hours. I also appreciate the number of phone calls I've received today reminding me that these are my last hours on earth to have freedom! That has helped my anxiety level so much!

Charlie asked me tonight what I'm most worried about; surgery, motherhood, everything? My answer I guess was everything, but more of the unknown of everything than the reality of everything, I think. I am very worried about surgery. I have an overactive imagination and it does get the best of me. So of course I convince myself that those 1% chance things have to happen to someone and it will probably be me. But I think mostly I wonder and worry about this baby and exactly how it will change my/our life.

I've grown so accustomed to having this baby inside me that I'm freaked out to have it come out. I worry about being a good mom, being able to breast feed, surviving outside the hospital, etc. Don't get me wrong, I AM excited, it's just that the excitement is temporarily buried by my psychosis. At least I have Charlie who is all excitement and little worry. I know he has fears too, but he is so concerned about me and making me feel good that I have to remember how truly blessed I am to have him. I know I can do anything with him by my side.

We will have tons of family there tomorrow to support us and even more friends and family across the country thinking of us, so again, we are truly fortunate to have such a wealth of love, healthiness and happiness coming our way!

I posted some pics of the nursery for those of you who haven't seen it and a last "belly" picture of Baby and me. I absolutely love the nursery. It reminds me of those few days of school before the first day where my classroom looked so happy, clean, and eager. And then...the kids come and all that goes to hell! Oh well, I know there will be one happy baby in that room! It was truly a family affair to put it together too. Everyone helped contribute their own touch and for that Charlie and I are thankful!