My Nipples Aren't the Only Things That Are Confused

sleepy, sleepy
bright-eyed and bushy tailed

Taking a break from being a big sis

Breastfeeding; it is the bane of my existence. Most of you know the struggles I faced with Sophia's "breastfeeding" and know it just wasn't pretty. It took me a long time to get to a good place with her and realize it just wasn't worth it. I vowed that I would not go there with this baby and that I would just go with the flow, so to speak. Well, the last few days I have found myself back in the "dark place" and just feel conflicted.

Let's start at the beginning. Leo came out pretty much ready to eat. He latched on fairly easily and had a pretty good suck going, something that NEVER happened with Sophia, literally. So I was feeling good. There is a but coming...BUT, because my milk wasn't in yet and because he was so big from the get-go, he started losing weight rather rapidly. The nurses don't worry until babies lose 10% of their body weight, but again, with the struggles we went through with Sophia (who lost 11% by the time we left the hospital and it only got worse) we were naturally worried. So, we supplemented him after every feeding. I totally think that was the best choice, however, it does open up the can of worms known as "nipple confusion". For those of you out there who maybe aren't as in touch with your own nipples, nipple confusion is basically a term that states babies who are given artificial nipples, as in bottles or pacifiers, will learn quickly that they are easier to suck from than the real thing, therefore relying solely on those and refusing their mother's breast. I personally think nipple confusion is a stupid term, but I do think that this theory has merit. In fact, I pretty much think that's what happened to Leo. Since we've left the hospital his desire to nurse has decreased. He is incredibly inconsistent and what happens is that I offer the breast, then supplement, then pump by the time you add in diaper changing and clean-up it makes feeding time at least an hour or more. By the time I put him back to bed I sleep for about an hour or so before we're back at it. Quite simply, that just isn't going to work.


We did go the pediatrician today and he has gained 3 oz since we left the hospital...yay! This means supplementing is working. Leo, however, decided to show off for the lactation nurse today during his visit and nursed like a champ on both sides. So, now I think, hmmm...should I reconsider this nursing business?? Well, my elation only lasted so long as when we got home and tried again at the next feeding he shunned me like a leper. So much for hope.


I'm kind of back at the beginning, but in the last few days I've moved closer and closer to my happy place. I'm leaning towards moving away from nursing and sticking with the bottle. If I eliminate the nursing aspect all together, I can easily cut down on time especially since I still have my exceptionally handy hands-free-bustier that I use while bottle feeding. I haven't made a final decision as yet, but I'm okay with it. I really do think that I will just have a moment of epiphany where it will all become clear and I will make my decision and move on. I will admit though, that I totally had a sappy, emotional, crazy La Leche League Woman moment when he latched on and fed from my breast. I seriously cried when I realized how beautiful and magical of a moment it was.


At the end of the day the important thing is that I feed my baby and that he's growing. As a rational human I realize this. As an emotional mother I have other ideas! ;)